I’ve spent most of my life trying to prove myself to others – always wanting to be viewed in a positive, flawless light. Especially spiritually! But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized this has created my own personal inner-war that I was never designed to win. I ended up taking false responsibility for things that I couldn’t change or fix and doing things I didn’t want to do in order to keep the peace. The problem is, perceived peace isn’t peace at all.
The enemy loves it when we take the bait. It is all noise sent to distract us from stepping out into what God’s design is for our lives. For me past mistakes can become a source of rumination. Stealing my focus as I spent time thinking through all the things I could say to make it right and fix the other person’s view of me.
But, in a moment of grace, I heard the Lord speak into my heart: “You are human, Josie, and worthy of making your own mistakes. It’s not a life sentence that you must forever carry out. You’ve served your time. Now move on up the mountain into my presence and begin to release what I have for you.”
I realized at this moment, I’ve created my own personal prison and allowed myself to be backed into a corner. Yes, I’ve hurt people because of my mistakes. Haven’t we all? But I still believe my intentions were good. However, underlying our actions can sometimes be a “secondary motive” that drives us without our awareness. Until God brings it into the light of course!
I set out about 2 years ago now to launch a ministry that was burning within me. I’ve always been a big dreamer. It’s part of my make up as a “Reformer” to want to change the world (according to the Enneagram personality inventory). But what I didn’t know then that I do know now, is that an underlying motive I had was to prove my spiritual significance. I got ahead of God because of it. People were hurt because of it.
The truth is, I wasn’t equipped to lead yet, and my own insecurity about whether or not I was really called, led me down of a road of seeking man’s approval and validation over what God was speaking into my heart. I took a detour for a while I guess you could say, and the ministry didn’t take off. Afterward, I ‘ll admit, I waded in the heavy waters of shame for a bit. There was a sense of failure that haunted me and even a little anger at God tossed in the mix. I wanted to hide. To run. But as I brought the broken pieces of my failed self-directed attempts to God, he met me there. I experienced a full 180 in my view as he began to put my broken piece back into HIS proper perspective.
I am so thankful that my flaws led me to his grace. A grace that freed me from myself.
So now it is your turn. Self-reflect. What are some of your “secondary motives” that may have led you down a path you weren’t meant to travel?
Here is my Shine Mentality tip of the week for you, accept your flaws. What we accept and bring before the Lord, he can transform. Forgive your mistakes and allow God to shape you because of them. If we humbly submit the ashes of our self-attempted efforts to him, he will create beauty from them. It is just what he does.
My accepted weakness became the pathway that God’s strength was able to shine through. He loves a humble heart. I guess we all need a thorn in the flesh that keeps us seeking him. After all, if I cannot accept my flaws, I won’t accept yours either. Then a barrier is created that keeps those you are called to serve from receiving. We are called to be living gateways, ushering people into the presence of the father by how we live (Psalm 24:7). Because it is His love, His acceptance, and His heart of grace that frees us every time.
Maybe you need to hear this today. GOD ACCEPTS YOU FULLY. Flaws and all. Become vulnerable with him and he will graciously rearrange your view of yourself and set you free to believe in the beauty within you.
Be Bold ~ SHINE YOUR LIGHT!