Psalms 25:5- Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for you are the God of my salvation; on you do I wait all the day.
It is a pleasure to welcome, Amanda McGhee, to the prayhealshine blog as our guest writer today! Amanda is a part of our SHINE leadership team and I am so thankful for her willingness to share her heart and a piece of her journey with all of you!
“Out of Order”. What do you think of when you hear that? Not the kind that makes your bladder scared when you’ve rushed to the bathroom only to find there’s an “Out of Order” sign on the door. The kind of “Out of Order” that you feel when nothing in your life seems to have a set rhythm or seems to be making sense. When you’re literally (and figuratively) out.of.order.
I’m in this season of my life where I know God is dealing with me to get myself in order. My house wasn’t the only thing God was showing me needed order, my literal and spiritual body needed order too. I felt a sweet tug at my heartstrings a couple months ago when He spoke gently to my soul about the chaos of our house being a soft mirror which reflected my relationship with Him; my frustration with a multitude of things in life were because I (emphasis on IIIIII) was, out of order. Even though I had everything I needed, nothing was in place. I had no chronic health issues but my motivation for being healthier was nowhere to be found. It’s not surprising to know that my spiritual life wasn’t in order either; I have all the tools and resources I need to continue to grow deeper in my walk with the Lord, but no motivation to actually utilize them. I guess I was praying for order by osmosis or something.
It doesn’t work that way.
Several weeks ago, I was fed up with the chaos of our home. There’s been little discipline in maintaining an orderly house. When I knew we would be having guests, I would stressssss OUT. Now, there is no shame in my unexpected-visitor game! It was a 2 day, 12 hours a day job but every room in our home has been purged, and organized. Amazingly, it’s remained tidy ever since. But I was beginning to realized my home wasn’t the only thing out of order, there were things living inside me that needed addressed too.
It was a hard piece of revelation to sit with the day I realized that there are a plethora of reasons I’ve continually battled a weight issue. What I’ve learned in the past couple years, as I’ve allow God into the moments that have left me wounded, is that the emotional and physical traumas I endured for so long have played a far greater role than I’ve acknowledged. For ten years, I was told: I’d never be loved because of my weight and the way I looked, that nobody “fat” is ever successful. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I maintained my weight to prove this voice from my past wrong.
But now, I am in the process of learning to look at my reflection and see who God sees, not who she said I was! For me this transformation takes place when I spend time in His Word.
There’s always been a gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit in my heart to spend more time in the Word, in prayer, in devotion…in any way that would lead me to more time with the Lord. Many times in my life, I would push it off because other activities would take priority. Something would happen that would grip my heart in panic and where is the first place I would go? To prayer. My daily praise was lacking. But lemme tell you something—if I get worried or scared, I’m on my face before the Lord.
I’m such a user.
That’s ugly. A user. As in, one who comes looking for a miracle when I haven’t been consistent in praising Him. Thankfully, His view of me is far more full of mercy and grace than my perception of Him.
What I’ve shared with you is a sliver of what the Lord revealed to me. When I’m quick to notice where things are chaotic and lacking order, I get all bent out of shape. If I’m continually aggravated by something or someone, it’s usually a sign there’s something in my heart that needs healed (this revelation is not mine—it’s the byproduct of over twenty-five year relationship with a friend who became a clinical counselor). My attitude about a lack of order in a place where I think there should be was God’s way of pricking open my own heart to show me the areas of my life that are out.of.order or lacking discipline.
Ewwww….nobody likes to talk about discipline.
But what are we without discipline? I’m not talking about whoopins and spankins (whole other counseling session, whole other blog post, lol). Did you know that discipline comes from discipulus, the Latin word for “pupil” (a student), which also provided the source of the word “disciple”? What are we if we’re not learning how to be a better version of who we were yesterday?
Every day we have to choose to take a step (or many steps) to be better. I’m in the muck of learning how to be consistent and purposeful in every action of my life, especially prayer, health, and keeping my home in order. I have no doubt that when I begin my days spending time with the Lord, all the other learning (or discipline, whichever you’d like to say) will be easier because it’s through His power, not mine, that I get anything accomplished.
A big thanks today to Amanda for sharing her story and healing process with us! My hope is you will use her openness as the nudge you need to take a look at what may be out of order in your own heart. Ask the Lord what needs His order and His view in your life. Only God’s view can provide the order we are seeking when everything around us feels like chaos!
Be Blessed ~ Be a Light