Begin the Journey: 4 Steps to Forgiving Yourself!


It is agony as a mother to watch your young daughter struggle with shame and self-defeating negativity. My little one has had many difficulties on her short journey on this rocky road we call life. From speech to sensory struggles that make her feel different in her body to anxiety and fear of embarrassment that paralyze her.

It starts so young. We all have it – moments we mess up royally and struggle to forgive ourselves for. It is very likely that you have things you have been holding against yourself for years -decades even. Some of the worst things we hold onto are things that happened to us -the sins others chose to do that we take blame for. False responsibility and guilt reek havoc in our heart and strangle out the Truth God longs for us to see. Whether you feel you messed up or whether you truly had no control of what happened but still struggle – feeling like it was all your fault, there is hope and freedom in letting go.

The word says in Psalm 32:1-5 MSG:

Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be—you get a fresh start, your slate’s wiped clean…God holds nothing against you… When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans. The pressure never let up; all the juices of my life dried up. Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.” Suddenly the pressure was gone—my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared.

You get a clean slate with GOD. What you bring to God he can’t wait to release you from. He holds nothing against you! Romans encourages us further that nothing- THAT IS NOTHING- you have ever done or anything that has ever happened to you can make God not love you. HE LOVES YOU. No strings attached. He loves you 100% no matter what you’ve done, failed to do, or no matter what has been done to you!

Romans 8: 38-39 MSG

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture…None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Did you see that? NOTHING can make God not love you.

So where do we start…how do we even being to forgive ourselves and open our heart to God’s grace, love, and unending forgiveness?

There are four steps to begin the process of self-forgiveness:

  1. Recognize what you are not forgiving yourself for. Make a list- write out.  What am I holding against myself and struggle to forgive “ME” for? Some things may be easier to let go than others. That’s ok. Start with what is easiest. Healing happens in layers and so does forgiveness. It is a process, a lifestyle of letting go – not a one time act.
  2. Reach outside of yourself and gain God’s perspective. Don’t hide your feeling towards God. He already knows and have the courage to share with someone you trust. This helps you to get out of your tunnel vision and see a bigger picture. Remember God is in the business of setting you free not chaining you more. So when we seek his Word and Godly advice from others, it breaks the chains we put on ourselves.
  3. Realize you are harder on yourself than anyone else. Would you say the same things you say about yourself to your best friend if they experienced what you did? Write a letter to your best friend encouraging them, letting them know how deeply you care about their struggle and that God loves and forgives them. Then here is the twist. In the Dear___________, blank space write your name and read it to yourself as if you were speaking this into you life everyday. Do it and keep doing it till you begin to open your heart to the same grace you would give another!
  4. THEN Refuse to hold on. Don’t let the enemy lie to you. What you bring to God he tosses it as far as the east is from the west and remembers it no more! Why do you keep holding on to what He desperately want you to let go of. HE ALREADY HAS. Bring it to Him and lay it at his feet asking Him to help you bit by bit release the shame of what you aren’t forgiving yourself for. Pray- seek-and you will find that God can’t wait to forgive you and set you on the path of being a light for HIM!

Do me a favor, release yourself the chains of unforgiveness so that your heart can fill with truth. For an encouraging message on how God sees you and how much he loves you, head on over to Youtube to hear one of my favorites at: (Inheritance (Live) (feat. Graham Cooke)

Be blessed – Be a LIGHT!



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