Month: November 2018

The Shine Mentality Tip of the Week – Breathe Deeply

For the Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

Job 33:4

I’m a creature of habit. I tend to follow the same routine every morning. My feet touch the floor and I’m instantly greeted by my furry-friend, Duke. He becomes my little shadow as he follows me into the bathroom while I brush my teeth. Then out to the kitchen, we go. My coffee begins to brew, and like clock-work, I start my standard yoga stretches while Duke tries his best to grab my attention. I pour my coffee into only my favorite of mugs and then plop down in my cozy created space and give myself a gift. It isn’t the gift most would expect.

I pause, slow down and breathe deeply. I settle into my own skin and notice where tension has taken up residence within me. Then I reflect on what I’m holding inside. I’ll admit it isn’t always an easy process but the end result is always the same. It settles my soul, calms my busy mind, softens my stressed muscles and opens my heart to hear. They say there is an 18-inch path from our head to our heart and I believe for most of us this passageway has been intentionally closed off or clogged with things we were meant to let go of.

My experience over the last 15 years as a counselor has taught me that we not only struggle to know how to breathe deeply, we often don’t want to! Somewhere along the way we have learned to push down, deny what is inside, and press on as the only answer.

Deep breathing is always one of the first skills I teach a client, yet one of the hardest for them to embrace. When we pause to breathe, it makes things come alive in us we often don’t want to feel. So we tighten up and clog the passageway. Of course, the result of a clogged passageway is it eventually explodes and collapses under the pressure.

Ian Cron, an author and expert on the Enneagram, mentioned in his podcast that: “We are not awake to our true selves. We go through life asleep and lost in the fictional narrative we have come to believe. There is no way out of this except through a higher source.”

Over the years I’ve been saddened to see so many hearts not fully awake to who they truly are and not beating in the way they were intended. When we block the passageway from our head to our heart, we stop the full expression of who we are from being released. We get stuck in stories we don’t want to live, and we decide that it is just too painful to breathe fully. The tension bounces around inside of us blocking God’s voice and we struggle with thoughts that lead us farther from who we were designed to be.

Have you ever noticed that one of the first things to happen when you are stressed or afraid is you hold your breath or breathe quickly and erratically? Ironically, it is exactly the opposite reaction we need to have. Shallow, non-rhythmic breathing perpetuates panic and dis-EASE! A deep, long, slow, calming exhale relaxes our bodies, calms our minds, and quells anxiety. Or at least that is what God originally designed the exhale to do.

Here is a little anatomy lesson. The exhale is connected to the parasympathetic nervous system – the system in the brain that settles us. Unfortunately, in our overwhelmed, deeply burdened culture we’ve messed up the mechanisms within our brains and we are often living stuck in the part of the brain that is hypervigilant and threat-fearing.

How do we then get back to our original design and our truest selves? First, we have to unclog the passageway from our head to our heart. We have been believing false stories that say “we aren’t enough”, “we’re damaged”, “we’ll never get better” or “We’ve failed”. This isn’t the story God wrote for us. He has so much he wants to tell us about how beautifully he created us.

The only way to become truly alive is to pause to notice and face the messages we’ve held inside that are robbing us of living the life God intended. I know it is uncomfortable. It may even be terrifying for some, but without a deep, cleansing breath, we don’t fully live. Instead, we remain on autopilot and fail to experience God’s deeper presence and the world around us as he intended. This is a hard message to swallow, but in order to wake up to who we truly are, we have to be willing to take an honest look at ourselves and breath deeply no matter how painful. I promise if you do God has a better story to unravel before you.

Be Bold~ Breathe DEEPLY!

The Shine Mentality Tip of the Week – Seek Truth More Than Comfort

His words burn in my heart like a fire. Its like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can’t do it! Jeremiah 20:9

Sometimes seeking to stay comfortable is the very thing that keeps us wounded. I’m a counselor at a school and I watched this week as 110 Sophomores squirmed and wrestled with unspoken secrets in their heart at an event we host call “Redo Day”. It’s a day of self-reflection. A day to make amends—to “Say What You Need To Say”. It is a day where it isn’t about comfort but about recognition, where we ask our students to take a good hard look at themselves, and how they’ve let the events in their life shape how they have responded and how they have treated others.

The most beautiful part of it all is seeing defenses fall as one after another owns up to their mistakes and asks for forgiveness. John Mayer plays in the background as one brave soul dares to come face to face with the person they’ve hurt and attempt to mend the deep wounds between them.

“Fighting with the shadows in your head. Living out the same old moment knowing you’d be better off instead, if you could only say what you need to say…Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken, even as your eyes are closing do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say.”

Jeremiah was just a 17-year kid struggling with his own identity when God put a message in his heart to share with a generation that didn’t want to hear what he had to say. It would have been so much easier for Jeremiah to just go along with the crowd and ignore the message God set ablaze in his heart. Afterall he wasn’t given an easy message to relay. He was asked to stand up against an entire generation and uproot and confront the way they had been living. He was asking them to take a good hard look at themselves because he knew if he didn’t that complete ruin awaited them.

I’ve often related with Jeremiah. I’ve found in my 15 years as counselor sometimes people don’t really want to hear what healing requires. Avoidance is comforting. I get it, I know that looking deep within and facing what lies in the shadows is anything but comfortable. We squirm and fidget trying to find a way out of the pressure. But one thing I know well and have seen unfold over and over again is the self-destruction that results from a life of denial.

Why do we not say what we need to say? The thing we often don’t realize is that the secrets we keep hidden never heal. Secrets exposed to light can be reshaped by a corrected perspective that sets us free from the life-long wrestling match. Unless we fight the shadows in our heads and hearts, we end up sinking deeper into limiting mindset that consume places within meant for the passion that God designed us to express.

I wish there was an easier way my friends, but sometimes you have to face your fears and say the things that terrify you so that you can finally break free of their hold over you. There is a fire within you waiting to be set free, but it can’t if you keep letting your secrets extinguish the embers.

Maybe you need to validate your own pain. Stop denying its existence or rationalizing it away. Find a trusted friend, professional or pastor to makes sense of what you have held inside. The first step to healing is always AWARENESS. I encourage you to look within, pour out your heart to God and connect with others who can help you.

Maybe you are on the other side of the equation and you need to make amends with someone you’ve hurt because you were hurt yourself. Life is too short to not say what we need say and swallow our pride. Witnessing those young souls at redo day confronting the fear of judgment and ridicule to free themselves from the deep torment within allowed beauty to result. A freedom unexpected. A heart finally free to spread more of what they were designed to carry!

Maybe you are like Jeremiah. You have message burning within you to share with the world and yet it terrifies you at the same time. God has asked us to share His message of truth with a hurting world, but he never promised it would be well received. And he definitely never said it would be comfortable! But he did promise Jeremiah that he would put his words within him and I believe he’ll do the same for us today.

God’s truth that he died to set us free and heal our every hurt, burns within me. There is a fire in my bones longing for others to experience the freedom that results when we decide to finally become real with ourselves, confront what is uncomfortable, and say what we’ve been needing to say for way too long. Don’t seek comfort, seek revelation. God’s truth is the only thing powerful enough to set you free!

Be bold ~ SHINE YOUR LIGHT

The Shine Mentality Tip of the Week – Compose a New Melody

Compose new melodies that release new praises to the Lord. Psalm 33:3

For some reason when I think of singing, I often think of American Idol. It always amazes me how people can be so oblivious to the out of tune notes they are singing. It seems to me that it is much easier to recognize when someone else is out of tune, but we struggle to recognize it in ourselves. I think it’s true with our hearts as well and recognizing what they hold. We often fail to identify the lyrics we been believing about ourselves and the world—the lyrics that devastate our hearts and keep us from believing in the song God wants to sing over us.

The Bible tells us to “sing a new song” or compose a new melody 7 times throughout its pages. There are things that happen to us, things we experience that get our melodies off key. Ian Cron, psychotherapist, author and Enneagram teacher (a powerful tool to understand who you are and others better), talks about how every personality type has a story we tell ourselves. He points out that these stories are often “polluted and in direct opposition with God’s grace”.

What is the story you’ve been telling yourself for years? Is the melody you have been playing on autopilot in your heart leading you closer to His grace or farther from it?

Don Miller, author, and expert on creating a story says “If you want to change, pick a new story.” I think we often feel like the lines have already been written and we have no power to change what our future holds. The only thing we can’t change is the past. We can’t rewrite what has happened to us or just ignore that some of the lyrics in the songs we have lived through aren’t so hope-filled. But what we can do is compose a new melody—a new way of seeing the song that has played out. We can choose to reinterpret what our past means and how we have come to view ourselves because of it.

Sometimes we have to go back to where the melody began to take shape.  Go back to the early days and ask ourselves what were the lyrics of the song often played in our homes. The Bible tells us to” sing a new song” because life can distort the song in our hearts, and this song becomes the lyrics we live out. Is the song you are singing in your heart what you want to continue to live out? You have to witness and observe the lyrics you are choosing to believe and then decide to either keep singing them or write a new melody.

The lyrics I have had to fight to rewrite in my own life as a Type 1 Reformer “Perfectionist” (according to the Enneagram) are “You’re not perfect, you won’t make it. It is never gonna be good enough.” But God’s song over me sounds more like this: “You were born for this. Created by my hand so that your weaknesses would become my strength. Partner with my power within you, and there is no stopping what we can do!”

Oh, his song over me is so much sweeter. I want to live out His song! Zephaniah 3:17 says that “the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

He song over you is full of love and is a joyful, hope-filled song. He dances with delight when he thinks of you. He can’t wait for you to get in tune with the lyrics he has written for you. It is such a beautiful song of surrender, freedom, and unbelievable purpose.

Is the song you’ve been singing satisfying to your heart or is it deafening to your soul? Fight to write a new melody and to get in tune with God’s song over you. I promise it plays out so much more beautifully than the song you’ve been singing over yourself!

Be Bold ~ SHINE YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIGHT!

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